


looking too closely

by rhettmclovely



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-16 19:12:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16501103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhettmclovely/pseuds/rhettmclovely
Summary: It's never as easy as it could have been.





	1. End

It’s their thing. They know how it is. Everyone on campus probably knows just as well as them, by now. Shit hits the fan and they shut down. They spend the day, the weekend, at most, a couple of weeks, without speaking, and then, slowly, but surely, almost as if they have no will of their own, they’re pulled back to each other by the universe. 

 

It hadn’t been so bad, this time. The day after it all had happened, Rhett had come to him, willing to actually talk about how things had gone down, willing to apologize, and although Link was still upset, he wasn’t angry anymore.

Things went back to normal and, now, they’re back to their mornings of lingering touches and cereal bowls.

 

Link’s alarm goes off. He wakes up and gets ready to go fix their cereal and wake Rhett up, but as he jumps off the top bunk he finds Rhett sitting on his bed, with his clothes already on.

 

“You’re up already?”

 

“Yeah. I was hoping we could talk real quick…”  Rhett says, getting up. He wipes his hands on his jeans, leaving sweat prints behind. _Oh_. So that’s what it was. He got ready in case things went south and he had to flee the scene. 

 

“Does it have to be right now?” Link asks, yawning. “I’m half asleep.”

 

“I guess it doesn’t… I just… I wanted to talk to you, before tonight…”

 

“Go ahead then.” Link says, sighing, “I don’t think I’m gonna come back here before. I have the lecture, and I still want to go to the library… I’ll probably just go straight to the party.”

 

“Oh.” Rhett says, subtly nodding his head. He pauses before finally saying “Link… I’ve met this girl. I’ve invited her to go to the party with me. I wanted to tell you, so it’s not…y’know?”

_Here we go again,_ Link can’t help but think, when he sees his best friend gesture like an idiot so he doesn’t risk using the wrong words.

 

“Sure, brother.” Link tells him.

 

“I need you to know It’s different this time, Link, okay?” Rhett says, avoiding meeting his eyes.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Rhett has been pacing in the small room, since the conversation started, but Link can’t help but notice how he moved closer to the door, after the question.

 

“I think it’s for real this time.”

 

“What?” Link asks, unable to hold in the laughter. “How long have you known her?”

 

“For a while, I just wasn’t sure she was into me…” He replies. His face is serious and his cheeks are turning pink and Link doesn’t know how far he can push him, before he walks out, but he just can’t shut up.

 

“Is ‘a while’ just after you’ve stopped hooking up with other girls, because that’s been what? Two weeks?” He asks him, as he feels his face get red with anger.

 

“C’mon, don’t be like that… I don’t know when it started, we were kind of just friends and then I realized I liked her and she likes me, and she’s a really good girl, you know? I think this is something that can last. For real, bo.”

 

The whole thing seems ridiculous to Link. He could list a million reasons why none of this makes any sense, but he can tell Rhett is serious, so he tries to mask his doubts (and jealousy, he’ll own up to it, at this point).

 

“As long as you’re happy, man. I’m sure she’s great.” He says and before he can do anything, he feels Rhett’s arms pulling him into a tight hug. His face is pressed against Rhett’s chest and he breathes in the familiar scent, and for a second every cell in his body tells him that this is not how he should be handling this, that he shouldn’t be pretending he’s okay with this, but he pulls away, with a smile on his face and tells him he needs to finish getting ready, and that he’ll see him later. 

 

He tries to focus. He really does. He tries to focus on what the professor is saying. He tries to focus when he’s sitting alone in the library, on a Friday night. It doesn’t really work out. Eventually, he just has to admit defeat and leave. Even the old librarian seems to be judging him.

 

He wishes he could just go back to his room. He didn’t even want to go to the party to begin with, but now if he doesn’t show up, Rhett will start getting ideas. Not that he’d be wrong…. It’s just that he doesn’t want to have another argument over some girl that Rhett will get tired of in two weeks.

 

It doesn’t take long for him to get there. It’s not so much a party, as it is a bunch of drunk people scattered all over a floor of the dorm. He joins a couple of guys, by the keg and tries to focus on the conversation, avoiding as best as he can to look around. There’s people everywhere and it would literally be impossible to find Rhett, if his best friend wasn’t 10 feet tall.

 

“He’s probably not even here yet. He’s probably waiting for her to get ready or something” He can’t help but think. He tries to justify his annoyance with the fact that the only reason he even came to this stupid party was because Rhett told him he couldn’t let him go alone and now he has stood him up.

 

Not really sure how, he ends up getting tricked into playing beer-pong with the weird guy who looks old enough to be his father and…well, the extra life experience apparently made him really good at beer-pong, so it doesn’t take long before Link can’t really walk on a straight line anymore.

 

“Link!”

 

Link hears the familiar voice and it doesn’t take long before he locates the buzzed head in the crowd.

 

“Hey, man. Where have you been?” He asks, smiling.

 

“Yeah, we got here a little while ago...Do you want me to introduce you two?”

 

It catches him off guard, even though he knew he’d be around with her.

 

“Yeah, sure, brother.” He says, trying to force a smile.

 

“Good, man. I’ll go get her.”

 

She’s beautiful, what’s new? They always are. As far as he can tell, she a really nice girl. They all tend to be. Mama Di will be thrilled with this one, if she ever makes it to Buies Creek.  Link doesn’t catch her name. He’s pretty sure no one told him, but it’ too awkward to ask, so he doesn’t. He’s too drunk to remember it anyway.

 

“Gosh, I know I’m the worst, but I really gotta go. I have so much to study! You guys stay and have fun” She says, as she gives Link hug. Great, she smells fucking amazing too.

 

“No, wait! I’ll walk you back” Rhett says and in a blink of an eye, he’s gone.

 

Link needs a break. He’s too drunk for this. He walks into the room the party was supposed to be happening in. There’s no one there. It’s quiet and there’s a big window. Shit, he can’t believe how good the view from up here is. How did they end up in the fucking basement? There’s a pack of cigarettes on the bottom bunk and he fishes one out, and lights it.

 

He hasn’t smoked in a while. It’s not like he missed it, but the moment seemed to call for it. He could always find Sue smoking on the porch, after a crappy date. Somehow it had rubbed off on him. He should be sobering up. He wasn’t even sure how many hours had passed since he had his last drink. It felt like it had been at least a couple of years ago. But he seemed to be getting drunker by the minute.

 

“Cigarettes are bad for you.” Rhett says, as his head pops into the room.

 

Link turns to face him, leaning on the bunk beds.

“So is love.” Link says, or he tries to, but he can’t get it out without snorting and they both start laughing.

 

They make their way back to the hallway. At this point, the crowd is dissipating. There’s only a half a dozen people left left, if you don’t count the guy passed out in his own vomit. It seems like the perfect moment to get the hell out, so they decide to walk back to the dorm room.

 

“So… what did you think?” Rhett asks.

 

“She seems great.” Link replies, with a smile. That much is true. “So, what’s the deal? You in love with her or something? Do you love her?”

 

Rhett bites his lip and lowers his gaze to the floor.

 

“I really like her… She’s great and I think this could be for real.”

 

“That’s not what I’m asking.”

 

“I don’t know. It hasn’t been long enough for me to…She’s a good girl and maybe she could be the one, you know?”

 

Link can feel his eyes roll.

 

“Do you love me?” he asks Rhett, as he abruptly stops him, at the bottom of the staircase, in front of their room.

 

“Of course, man. I’ve known you my whole life. You’re my best friend.” He tells him, with his hand on his shoulder and a serious look on his face.

 

“That’s not what I’m asking, Rhett.”

 

Link is drunk. Anyone can tell. Rhett is drunk too, even though he can walk on a straighter line than Link ever could sober. The pink cheeks are what gives it away. Maybe neither of them will remember this conversation when they wake up. Maybe that’s half the appeal of it.

 

“I don’t know, man. You’re my best friend. You’re… you’re my best friend.”

 

Link pulls him into their room and closes the door behind them. He can’t help himself. He presses his body against Rhett’s, presses kisses up and down his neck, to a chorus of “you’re my best friend”s.

 

“I know. I love you. You are my best friend too. It’s just that I want you to fuck me too.” He says, unable to stop himself from giggling.

 

For the first time, since they’ve made it back into the room, Rhett looks at him in the eyes, breathing heavy.

 

“What?”

 

“I want you to fuck me.” He repeats, giggling again.

 

“Link, no.” he says, but Link knows he doesn’t mean it, he can see it in his eyes.

 

“C’mon, man!” Link says, moving his hands down to Rhett’s belt, with his lips still on his neck, before he pushes him away.

 

“Link. No.”

 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Rhett. Yeah, okay, fine! This is all me, right? I’m the one who’s a fucking abomination. I’m the one who’s gonna burn in hell. You? You’re good. You definitely don’t want this. The fact you’re fucking harder than I am right now, that’s just a coincidence, right?“ He can’t point out when he started screaming, but he can’t get himself to shut up and Rhett is looking at him like he’s in shock, like he’s trying to figure out how to make words come out, how to make him shut up.

 

“This has to fucking stop. I’ve told you a million times. This isn’t going anywhere. I’m trying to do what’s right. I’m trying to be a fucking man, here.” His voice is quiet but he might as well be screaming. Link can feel the tears in his eyes already, but he is not going to let Rhett have this one.

 

“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the only way you can be a man is admitting you’re a fucking…” He says the word, _that_ word, his voice the calmest it has been during this whole fight.,

 

Rhett’s expression changes and, suddenly, Link feels himself be slammed hard against the wall, and for a second he’s scared, they both are.

 

“Stop saying that fucking word! Jesus Christ!” Rhett says, before he’s letting go of him and throwing clothes in a backpack.

 

“What are you doing?” Link asks, still trying to catch his breath.

 

“What does it look like I’m doing? I can’t stay here.”

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“Yeah, Link. I’m serious. This was a fucking mistake. Everything. We both know it. We should have put an end to it when we graduated. The distance would have helped. You should have never even come here.” He says, before he walks out, slamming the door behind him.

 

*****

 

He’s gone for a week. Link can’t eat. Link can’t sleep. Link can’t focus. It only takes him a day to figure out where Rhett is (he’s staying with Weird Pete –  his roommate gave up once he realized this thing wasn’t just partying and went back home. Weird Pete’s the only one with an actual free bed, so it doesn’t take much effort to figure it out), but it’s not like he can just go talk to him, after everything. He knows he has to, and he’s not like he said anything that wasn’t true, but he can’t just show up without a plan.

 

 By day eight, he has it all figured out. He just needs to actually suck it up and make his way up to Weird Pete’s room. It takes him a while to work up the courage. So long that Rhett has to come back to the room for clean clothes, before the conversation happens.

 

It’s the worst possible time. Link is still in bed, even though he hasn’t slept all night, when Rhett slips into the room, trying his best not to wake him. Link figures he could just go along with it, just close his eyes and pretend he’s asleep, but he feels like Rhett would be able to tell, and he can’t bring himself to do it.

 

“Hey.” He says.

 

“Hey, man.” Rhett says, with a smile, even though he’s not looking at him.

 

“Do you have a minute? I think we need to talk…” Link says, sitting up.

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

It’s not a pleasant conversation. Neither of them knows how to approach it. They start off defensive but eventually make themselves be honest with each other. They apologize. The apologies are accepted.

 

“It doesn’t change anything, though, you know?” Link says.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I do love you. “

 

Rhett’s shoulders tense up.

 

“You don’t.”

 

“No, I do. I love you.”

 

“Link…”

 

“…and it could work. If you were willing to try.”

 

“Shit, Link. I… I’m with her. I think this is it, man. I can see it work out, once we’re done with school. I wanna start a family. You should think about doing the same!”

 

Link can’t help rolling his eyes.

 

“Link, do you know how many girls here are just waiting for you to talk to them to jump on you, buddy? Because it’s like pretty much every single one. I mean, look at this face!” Rhett laughs, lifting Link’s chin up with his hand.

 

Link smiles, and moves Rhett’s hand away from his face, holding it between his two hands.

 

“But I want you.”

 

The smile fades from Rhett’s face. He takes a deep breath and nods his head.

 

“I know, bo.” He doesn’t need to say he wants Link too, for him to know, “But that’s not how this is gonna go…”

 

Rhett pulls him into a hug and it feels like everything that it isn’t supposed to feel like. He feels like he can’t breathe, but when Rhett pulls away and tells him he’s going to come back to the room in a couple days, because he has “got to give Weird Pete some time to adjust”, he tries his best to look like he’s okay.


	2. Grown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They grow up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please suspend disbelief all the way to hell, thank you.

They grow up. They graduate. They start their own little families. They’re grown men. As it turned out, she was the one for Rhett. She really had been _it._ She is amazing, and Link can’t blame him.  It didn’t take long for him to follow. He had chosen to wait until he was sure he knew it would never happen, that _they_ would never happen. She is amazing too. Sweet and kind. Funny and soft. When they first met, she reminded him of Rhett. That was all he could think about. She still does, sometimes, but he tries not to think about it like that anymore. It’s his cross to bear, he supposes.

If anyone had told him that their friendship would survive, become stronger, after everything they went through, he wouldn’t have believed them and yet here they are. They built their lives, they have their own families, and each other, in spite of everything.

They’ve been watching the game, and it’s down to the wire, when Rhett gets up and leaves the room.

 

“Where are you going, man? We need to finish this!” Link screams, rolling his eyes when he doesn’t get an answer.

 

They’re tired. It was supposed to be a relaxing Friday, away from work and the kids, and yet they are on edge.

 

Rhett’s head pokes back into the room.

 

“C’mon, man! You missed it!” Link says, but he wishes he’d missed it too. What a crapshoot of a game.

 

Rhett walks towards the sofa, but doesn’t take a seat. Instead, he’s standing in front of Link. Link is confused. He has no idea what is going on, but he takes the hand that Rhett is extending him. They’re standing close together. Closer than they’ve been in years. Too close. Link can smell a faint hint of alcohol and he wishes he had had a shot of liquid courage too. He should be pushing him away, but he can’t. Even after all this time. Even after everything.

When Rhett kisses him, hands on his neck, his body pressed against Link’s, Link is sure he must be dreaming. But it’s real. He _really_ should be pushing him away, but he _really_ can’t.

 

“Rhett…” he whispers, and Rhett knows what he’s saying even if he can’t make the words come out.

 

“Please.” Rhett says, kissing him again.

 

Link can’t decide where to put his hands. It’s been so long. He wants to touch every inch of Rhett that he hasn’t been able to touch in years. It’s wrong and he should stop it, but Rhett is fumbling with his belt and he can’t bring himself to do it.

Link’s not sure when they discarded their shirts, but Rhett is kissing his way down his neck, to his chest, until he’s on his knees, taking him in his mouth, his hands making up for what his little mouth can’t reach. Link runs his fingers through Rhett’s hair, forcing himself, as much as he can, not to thrust. It’s ridiculous how beautiful he looks like this, with his messy hair, eyes closed, with his lips wrapped around him. He’s never thought he’d actually see him like this, even though he can’t lie and say he hasn’t fantasized about it.

 

“Fuck…Rhett, if you don’t stop, I’m gonna…” he starts and before he can finish his sentence, Rhett is pulling away, kissing his inner thigh, and pulling his pants all the way down, so Link can step out of them.

 

He gets up and fishes a small bottle of lube out of his back pocket, before doing the same.

 

“Wow, someone was confident...” Link says, with a cocked eyebrow and his lopsided smile, as he lets himself fall down on the couch.

 

Rhett stops in his tracks for a second, looking down at Link. Link almost wants to give him Hell, just for the fun of it, but he can’t give either of them any more time to decide this is a mistake, so he just nods, with a hint of a smile on his face.

The coach is way too small for the two of them. It’s too small for either one of them, but it’ll have to do. Link settles on his back and Rhett kneels on the floor by his side. Link feels exposed, like he should be embarrassed, but he isn’t.

 

“You ready?” Rhett asks him, and he nods, not sure he can manage to speak.

When Rhett pushes the first finger in, it feels like it’s too much. He can’t help but think that there is no way his dick is going to fit in him. Even back in the day, when he would do this to himself, with images of Rhett flashing through his mind, he never managed to fit more than two fingers in.

 

“Gosh, Link…” Rhett whispers, as Link moans, pressing wet kisses along his ribs and chest, giving him a couple of lazy strokes, before stopping again.

 

Link is sweating like he’s already in the Hell he knows he’s destined for. He just wants to get this over with, but he also wants it to last forever. Rhett keeps pushing him right to the edge and then pulling back just long enough for Link to gather himself, before doing it all over again.

Rhett is touching him so gently, like he’s made of glass, like he’s apologizing for everything that has ever happened between them and everything that never did. Like Link wishes he would have touched him all those times, forever ago. There’s lust in his eyes, but there’s something else in there too, but Link won’t dare to think it is what it looks like.

 

“God, Rhett, just do it…” he says.

 

Rhett stops for a second, looking at him.

 

“Jesus Christ, just…just fuck me.” He whispers. It’s stupid, but the word feels wrong, when Rhett is touching him like this, like he’s his, like they’re each other’s.

 

“You sure?” Rhett asks, almost silently. He doesn’t seem to be fairing much better than Link, at this point.

 

Link nods, and Rhett stands up. He’s looking down at Link, pacing like a headless chicken, not sure how to go about this.  It would be funny, if Link wasn’t aching to come.

 

“Goddamn it, man!” he lets out, rolling off the couch, landing on the floor with a thud.

 

“You good?” Rhett asks, unable to stop himself from laughing.

 

“Jesus Christ, man. C’mon!” Link says, beckoning him to the floor.

 

Rhett settles himself between his legs, still laughing, before taking a deep breath and lining himself up with Link.

 

“You let me know when you need me to stop, alright, bo?”

 

Link nods.

 

Rhett pushes into him, slowly and it’s the best kind of torture he has ever experienced. He nods, encouraging him.

 

Rhett starts stroking him in tandem with his shallow thrusts.  Link wants to tell him to go deeper, that he can take it, but before he can, he’s coming, all over Rhett’s hand and his own stomach, Rhett following, a couple of thrusts after.

 

Rhett collapses next to him. For a moment everything feels right.


End file.
